In response to your comments in relation to the post on breast feeding and relapses this week’s survey will address the thorny question posed by you about having children.
Please participate and have your say!
In response to your comments in relation to the post on breast feeding and relapses this week’s survey will address the thorny question posed by you about having children.
This question should not be limited to just women with multiple sclerosis; I would suggest that men suffering from the disease should also be discouraged from having children.Your children will always worry about your health. They will worry about how bad your MS will get and fear what the disease will bring upon you. MS is your burden, not your children’s'.This opinion is merely my own. I would like to say that if one has had children prior to diagnosis then that is a different matter. In that case, though your illness is unfortunate, it is not cause for guilt.This is such a tricky area of debate that it's hard not to come across as insensitive, but I strongly believe that those with MS, women and men, should not embark on parenthood knowing their illness may never be cured and that they will likely develop physical ailments that may greatly affect the wellbeing of their children.
I understand why this topic has been brought up but I question its premise.Those with RRMS can take years, if not decades, to become disabled, and even then the level of disability is not predictable. It can be severe, but also relatively mild. There is no crystal ball.I have chosen not to have kids. It's an independent choice I came to myself. My reasons are because of the fear of where they disease can go.However, I am totally functional. I have a disease but it doesn't really affect me too badly. I work, socialise, holiday, party like everyone else. I can have a child right now because I feel healthy enough to do it, but there is a niggling thought saying goodness knows how long this luck streak will last and when, if ever, the next relapse will come.As a result of following this blog I now worry about "progression", which I never understood before but now kind of do. I always thought relapse and progression was the same thing, but not now. Now I have the worry that I can slide into a completely new phase of illness from which there will be no coming back.That’s why I will not embark on parenthood, but that’s just my choice.
Seriously, just go on to any MS Society message board for young people and you can read first hand the many accounts of kids stressed out because of their mother's MS. It's so not fair on them.
People with all sorts of medical conditions have children. These range from learning disability to HIV. In fact you can be a criminal in jail and have IVF etc paid for by the state to enable you to have children to protect your human right to have a family! Disability is certainly not a barrier to have a family nor is it a barrier to a good quality of life. MSers should feel empowered to have families of their own!
I don't honk this debate is about whether disabled people should have children, rather more, it concerns the unpredicatable nature of MS and its affect on children. There is also the notion that people with MS die younger than those without the disease.I'm just playing devil's advocate. I love my daughter and had her after diagnosis. Wouldn't change it for the world!
Agree with the earlier comment: All sorts of people have children. Criminals in jail have children. I remember reading articles saying that mentally ill and low-IQ people should be allowed to have children. If there is a supportive extended family, why shouldn't MS patients have children?
I believe that, as a mother with MS, I am a better mother than the majority of people I see out there on the high street. I believe able-bodied parents can seriously fail their children without a physical illness being the cause. You see it all the time.I strongly defend the view that there should be no cause for guilt. What an awfully ignorant thing to say! As a parent, be guilty for: your selfishness, thoughtless lack of planning, emotional or psychological neglect. Do not ever be guilty for bringing a precious life into the world while you have a disease to also contend with. Such a view is scarily consistent with that of a certain German ruler in the last world war!But I would say think carefully and have back-up plans in place for yourself if the worst should happen and remember that most MS sufferers recover to some degree from each disabling attack. Don't live in fear of what "might" happen, just be realistic about how you'd get round it.That's my honest opinion.